Daddy, did Michael Jackson take good care of himself?
My daughter and I have had an ongoing conversation over the past year about death. A favorite uncle died last year and Citrus has been trying to figure out what happened and why. It is impossible to prepare for her questions, so I treat them like any of the other five million other questions she asks each day. I tell her the truth.
Lying would be a disaster since she remembers every detail. Instead I try to keep the answers simple and direct and ask her how she feels. It was easy for the first few months. I described burial as being placed in a nice park and when she was sad I reminded her that we have a lot of pictures and memories to make us happy. Then the questions went to a whole new level.
We were sharing a taxi ride over the Crocker mountain range in Malaysia when she had the realization that she might die some day. Five other people listened to the crying, tearful questions, and my assurances. I explained that some people have accidents, others grow to be very very old and their bodies do not work any more, and some people become very very sick and do not take good care of themselves. She should not worry because Daddy and Mommy take care of her, and she takes care of us, so that we will be together for a long long time.
She corrected me. Mommy takes care of her, she takes care of kitty and kitty takes care of Daddy. She may like this circle of caring but I am not convinced that kitty will serve me well in my advanced health care directive.
When she said that she does not want things to die, I suggested that maybe she should not stomp on ants any more. She thought it through, agreed, and then brightened up with an idea. She would help doctors. She would give the doctors her “special ant-tools” and “people-tools” so that they could fix ants and people. This cheered her and she became distracted by cows grazing on the hillside.
A couple weeks later and we are wandering through an electronics store. A Michael Jackson concert is on all of the flat-screen televisions.
Did Michael Jackson take care of himself? No.
She is satisfied with the answer and I am relieved.
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Last night Citrus and I had a conversation about meat. “When cows die, farmers help them to die, and then they cut them up so we can eat them,” she said matter-of-factly.
It almost made ME want to become a vegetarian again.
That was a continuation from a much longer conversation we had when I was marinating steak for fajitas. Let’s go to the tape! (see next post)