While visiting Virginia Beach I went to the Military Officers Association of America’s (MOAA) Military Spouse Symposium. I figured that after 8 years of Elysia being in the Navy I would actively try to meet other spouses. They certainly weren’t finding me!
My experience thus far is that male civilian spouses are often invisible. I think it is due to three things: First, there are a lot of men out there who do not bond with other men. Second, traditional gender roles dictate that women are going to run the social and family events. And third, the military community has a long and proud tradition of supporting wives. Which means that when I visit family service centers on base or approach symposium registration tables, other people wait to see if I am actually attending or simply got lost on the way to the restroom.
There were about 100 spouses and I was the only male civilian with a wife on active duty. I did meet a guy who retired after 40 years at the Newport News shipyard. He is married to a retired Air Force officer. We bonded over sticking out like sore thumbs.
Aside from sessions on federal/state advocacy efforts, staying employed through multiple moves, and helping marriages survive deployments, there were some very personal and inspirational stories.
One woman shared with the audience the story of how her husband died a week after returning from Iraq in 2005. Her loss was compounded by the financial stress of finding out that his death benefits were only a fraction of what they would have been had he died a week earlier overseas. She single-handedly lobbied several Senators and had the disparity addressed for all surviving spouses.
Another military spouse and daughter of a military widow co-founded the Military Spouse and Family Legacy Association with another spouse who lost her husband in Iraq. Their goal is to build a national monument to military families. Nicole Alcorn of MSFLA shared how the idea came to them and how they have put their plan into action.
I also met Tanya Biank, an Army brat and Army wife. Her book, ”Under the Sabers: The Unwritten Code of Army Wives” was turned into a television series last year. Army Wives is now Lifetime’s highest rated series ever. [On a sidenote, one of the Army Wives is played by Catherine Bell, who starred on the television show JAG.]
Tanya interviewed me a few weeks ago for an article on military spouse blogs so it was nice to meet her in person. Many readers here — Hi! Please say hello! — found my blog because she mentioned my Flat Mommy project.
I also met a few folks from MOAA, including Sue Hoppin and re-introduced myself to their legislative director whom I met through AARP a few years ago. All in all, it was worth stopping by!
